Funny Airline Announcements

26 Jul, 2010

Westjet are popular for having fun on the mic. Here are some funny or clever airline announcements and rebuttals from American flights that were sent to me in an email.

United Flight Attendant announced, ‘People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!

‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane’

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline.’ He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, ‘Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?’

‘Why, no, Ma’am,’ said the pilot. ‘What is it?’

The little old lady said, ‘Did we land, or were we shot down?’

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: ‘We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.’

Heard on a Southwest Airline flight – ‘Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.’

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax… OH, MY GOD!’ Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!’

A passenger in Coach yelled, ‘That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine!’

Source: Unknown

About the author

Gregory

I am an ex-pat Newfoundlander who has uprooted and moved to the big city of Toronto. I develop web applications for work and for fun. I play ultimate and ice hockey year-round and camp every chance my girlfriend will let me.

4 Comments

  1. Beson
    July 28, 2010

    I wonder what this pilot was screaming.

  2. Beson
    July 28, 2010
  3. July 28, 2010

    Same pilot I would say haha.

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