M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender – A Classy Review

21 Jul, 2010

Upon hearing that there would a live action movie of Avatar, the Last Airbender, I convinced Riss that she would have to watch the show so that when the movie came out we would be ready for it.

We finished watching it together last night  and it was just as good the second time around as the first.

Of course, by now people have seen the movie and warned us about how terrible it is.

Being a man who likes to come to his own conclusions on movies (I liked Alice in Wonderland) I convinced Riss that we still had to go see the movie.

Well we did and now here is my unbiased objective review of it.

Directing: 0 / 10
I doubt the director was even on set

Screenplay: 0 / 10
Did anyone read this? Actors even?

Cast selection: 1 / 10
Surely there was somebody out there suited to one of the characters from Avatar. Aang could have been good if they played to his happy-go-lucky character, but they didn’t. 1 point for potentially finding a diamond in the rough.

Acting: 1 / 10
There must have been a competition between the actors to see who could stink the best. It was an all-way tie. Hat’s off to Yue for not competing in that challenge.

Characteristics of characters: 1 / 10
Iroh is seen drinking tea in one scene.

Special effects: 1 / 10
I have to give them 1 because they did a better job than I could do, with my lack of education or experience in the subject, but the ice couldn’t look more like clear plastic.

Sticking to the original storyline: 3 / 10
Any Holywood production is going to lose points here because you have to make a movie appeal to a wider audience and shrink the duration to make the movie withstandable to those stuck in the theatre chairs for a few hours. I’m not going to say it was great (they did manage to convert good dialog into rotten feces), but it was certainly the best part of this movie (next to the Fire Nation ships; those were badass).

Pronunciation of names:  2 / 10
Congratulations of pronouncing Katara, Appa, and Zuko right out of all of the characters from the show. By the way, their names are announciated clearly enough in the cartoon series that you can pick out what they are. Who the flip is “Uung” and “Aero”?

Everything else: 1 / 10
Just in case I didn’t cover anything.

Overall: 1 / 10
This may be a tie with Hally Berry’s Catwoman. I only give it a 1 because they went through so much effort to entertain us. As bad as it was, they tried. (I could only really give them a 0 if they did not finish the movie really… Actually, I might have given them a 2 if they had not finished the movie. Too bad they did).

RE: The Last Airbender showing in your theatres

Dear Empire Theatres,

You are supposed to be a business. As a business, are you not concerned about people losing faith in the quality of your product? Have you not read reviews or seen the movie for yourselves? Or heard your costumers complain about?

You may think I’m speaking in jest, but I want my money back. As well as compensation for the time wasted in this movie.

By that way, that was not a jest.

I understand that not everyone is going to enjoy every movie as everyone has their own opinion. Unfortunately this movie is the exception since how much it sucks is grounded in fact, not opinion.

Please stop showing this movie immediately and send me a cheque for the money I am owed. You can make the cheque out to: Gregory Pike.

Thank you. I am sure you will not slip up like this again.

GregPike.ca

RE: The floating turd you recorded from your toilet

Dear M. Night Shyamalan,

I do not understand how you could hate such a great show so much to go through such lengths to make a mockery of it. I mean, you could have written a blog post or tweeted or even just punched a pillow. There really was no need to disrespect such a great franchise.

Please eat a turtle shell and choke.

Sincerely,

GregPike.ca

PS: Book 1 was a great spot to end off. In fact, the first scene was a great place to end off. Unfortunately you let the whole first book unfold into your vision.

Editors Note: Just found some more fire power.

“If any movie ever warranted a class-action lawsuit against the filmmakers, it’s The Last Airbender.”—Keith Phipps, AVClub.com, June 30, 2010

“The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.”—Roger Ebert, June 30, 2010

“Once ‘A film by M. Night Shyamalan’ promised suspense and power, but that was 11 years ago. We must stop enabling him and not pay to see this garbage.”—Matt Pais, Chicago Now, June 30, 2010

“He hasn’t mastered the craft yet, but M. Night Shyamalan may be on to something with this action-movie thing.”—David Bowles, USA Today, July 3, 2010

“[S]ome unsolicited advice for Mr. Shyamalan: Stop writing. Direct, but let others write. Don’t produce. Don’t adapt. Don’t polish someone else’s screenplay. And last thing: drop the over-the-title credit. Besides being another sign of hubris, it’s no longer deserved.”—Mel Valentin, Cinematical, July 4, 2010

“But Shyamalan’s strengths as a director are formidable, and unlike other auteurs we’ve written off, we’re genuinely hoping he can get his groove back.”—Bilge Ebiri, New York magazine, in “Don’t Give Up On M. Might Shyamalan,” July 7, 2010

“If you describe someone as ‘a filmmaker of rare talent and creativity,’ as I did, and then they follow your vote of confidence by releasing Lady, The Happening, and now The Last Airbender (currently the worst-reviewed movie of the summer, below Furry Vengeance and Sex in the City 2) on an unsuspecting public … well, let’s just say I wouldn’t blame anyone who cited Shyamalan as exhibit A in the case against my critical acumen.”—Ross Douthat, NY Times, July 7, 2010

“The current national priorities should be as follows: reduce carbon emissions and stop funding the films of M. Night Shyamalan.”—Cliff Doerksen, Chicago Reader, August 5, 2010

These quotes are from Blastr: 40 kindest and cruelest things ever said about M. Night Shyamalan

 

About the author

Gregory

I am an ex-pat Newfoundlander who has uprooted and moved to the big city of Toronto. I develop web applications for work and for fun. I play ultimate and ice hockey year-round and camp every chance my girlfriend will let me.

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3 Comments

  1. Bob
    July 22, 2010

    Interesting thoughts.If you would like to further discuss feel free to call me at Studio 12 722-5763

    Kindest regards,

    Bob Antle
    General Manager, Studio 12

  2. July 22, 2010

    I called Bob at Studio 12 just to see what he had to say.

    He asked me about my blog and tried to get an understanding for what a blog is and we ended up chatting a bit about technologies like Twitter and how it can relate to customer service.

    He was a real nice guy.

    To clear up what he had heard, the buzz in the Empire Theatres corporate world being about my post, I explained that my post was light-hearted and sarcastic and not really an attack on the service that Empire provides. I am, in fact, quite happy with the service they offer.

    He also explained to me about a refund policy I was unaware of; If within 30 minutes of starting a movie you are unhappy or expect that you will not enjoy the movie you are allowed a full refund.

    He also seems like a very approachable person should actually have any concerns about service at Studio 12.

  3. Elling Lien
    July 22, 2010

    Bob is a good guy. He was really helpful and encouraging when I organized a midnight screening of the Princess Bride sometime around 1993. I was an awkward, shy teenager and he took the time to walk me through what needed to be done and good ways to go about it.

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